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Middle-earth Online!
Tolkien Fanfiction

Credits: I got the idea for this from Candy's fic "Coruscant Online", which is a Star Wars thing. also, sev.com.au, Monty Python, Star Wars, The Simpsons, and Dana Carvey
Disclaimer: The characters belong to his majesty, JRR Tolkien. The screen-names, however, belong to me.
A/N: I suggest everyone get the "Chopping Broccoli" song by Dana Carvey on mp3!!! You can search for it at Napster. Don't type in Dana Carvey. just write "Broccoli" in the title space, and it will come up. But it has to be the whole song, or else you won't understand. That includes the little speaking part in the beginning.  Enjoy!

Chapter One

Welcome to Middle-Earth Online! You have 3 messages.

(IsildursHeir69 has entered: One Ring chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: Look, how many times do i have to tell you? I AM NOT GOING TO CYBER WITH A DAMN DWARF!

IsildursHeir69: hey hey

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: Hey Aragorn! sup?

IsildursHeir69: nuthin Legolas, just helping Arwen fix some gingerbread. It's in the oven cooking at the moment. :D

BeardedDwarf02: yum. must be better than my stupid cram

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: you still eating that crap? Try that site I e-mailed you yesterday with the twenty dollar lembas delivery.

BeardedDwarf02: i dunno. I don't feel comfortable giving out my credit card number online.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: .....

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: you have a credit card? ....where'd you get it?

BeardedDwarf02: umm....i don't wanna say

IsildursHeir69: wimp

IsildursHeir69: he don't have no credit card

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: yea, really

(SamDaMan108 has entered: One Ring chat)

(CurlyBearer34 has entered: One Ring chat)

CurlyBearer34: is Pippin coming?

SamDaMan108: He'll be here in a sec. h/o

CurlyBearer34: k

(TookishMischief11 has entered: One Ring chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: Midget convention?

SamDaMan108: shut up

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: :D

TookishMischief11: hows it goin' Strider?

IsildursHeir69: Making gingerbread. I'm excited cuz Arwen and I just bought new curtains for the throne room!

SamDaMan108: hey, that's great.

CurlyBearer34: yah, the old ones were kinda dull

CurlyBearer34: so what color are the new ones?

IsildursHeir69: pink! :D

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: .....

TookishMischief11: ummm

SamDaMan108: Strider?

IsildursHeir69: whut?

SamDaMan108: uh, n/m

IsildursHeir69: k

BeardedDwarf02: has anybody seen my axe?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: check your trousers

BeardedDwarf02: shove it elf

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: :D

CurlyBearer34: last time i saw it wuz at Amon Hen, right before i left for Mordor.

BeardedDwarf02: duh! you haven't even seen me since you left for Mordor.

BeardedDwarf02: Can anybody give me a straight answer???

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: no, cuz you're not straight. you're gay

BeardedDwarf02: will you shut up with the stupid jokes

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: well it's true.

BeardedDwarf02: no it's not

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: you tried to cyber with me!

BeardedDwarf02: ....

BeardedDwarf02: you don't have a witness

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: *rolls eyes*

TookishMischief11: So Sam, I hear you're gettin' married!

SamDaMan108: yah! Her name is Rosie

SamDaMan108: Rosie Cotton

CurlyBearer34: u mean Rosie Gamgee

CurlyBearer34: ;)

CurlyBearer34: Well congratulations my young counterpart. You need a ring?

SamDaMan108: yah! u got one?

CurlyBearer34: yea, black riders not included. The instructions are easy:

CurlyBearer34: Insert finger; take over world.

SamDaMan108: ...on second thought, maybe i better buy her one myself.

CurlyBearer34: whateva

(GandyStaff101 has entered: One Ring chat)

GandyStaff101: hello all.

SamDaMan108: hi Gandalf!

IsildursHeir69: yo, my wizard friend!

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: hey Gandy.

GandyStaff101: How is everyone?

CurlyBearer34: good

TookishMischief11: peachy!

GandyStaff101: "peachy"?

GandyStaff101: Fool of a Took...

BeardedDwarf02: hey Gandalf, you are all in white now

GandyStaff101: Thankyou, Captain Obvious

BeardedDwarf02: what i was hinting at was "why are you in white?"

GandyStaff101: Whut, just because you don't change your clothes once every ten years means I can't either?

IsildursHeir69: point taken

IsildursHeir69: What's going on in the Shire lately?

CurlyBearer34: Nothing much. Saruman's dead, though. That was cool.

GandyStaff101: Really?

GandyStaff101: good, i can scratch that off my "to do" list. Now I'm free to shop for that new Balrog-Away spray.

SamDaMan108: yah, i was about to go get my gardening hose and spray Saruman with that, but i didn't need to. Grima killed him for us.

IsildursHeir69: I wonder I'm going to do tomorrow...

TookishMischief11: oOOOo, you haven't had a party in a while!

CurlyBearer34: yea, ages!

SamDaMan108: Nope! Not since your wedding party last week!

TookishMischief11: Shh!

CurlyBearer34: Shhh!

SamDaMan108: ...sorry

IsildursHeir69: You know whut? You're right. I should have a party. With big fireworks, courtesy of Gandalf.

CurlyBearer34: Yeah!

TookishMischief11: yea!!

IsildursHeir69: and balloons...

SamDaMan108: yeah!!

IsildursHeir69: and a big big feast

CurlyBearer34: yea!!

IsildursHeir69: hmmm, am i forgetting something?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: yes. No hobbits allowed.

IsildursHeir69: Ah, thankyou. No hobbits allowed.

TookishMischief11: awww

CurlyBearer34: oh, no fair

SamDaMan108: dammit!

CurlyBearer34: Well it was great talkin' to you all again, but I must be off. bye!

SamDaMan108: me too!

IsildursHeir69: past your kerfew?

SamDaMan108: yah, how'd you know?

IsildursHeir69: Don't worry. I won't tell ;)

SamDaMan108: k

SamDaMan108: bye everyone!

CurlyBearer34: bye! see you guys next trilogy

GandyStaff101: goodbye for now, Frodo and Sam.

(CurlyBearer34 has left: One Ring chat)

(SamDaMan108 has left: One Ring chat)

GandyStaff101: i gotta go too. my pie is in the oven.

GandyStaff101: you know how it is

IsildursHeir69: DAMN!!! THE GINGERBREAD!!!!

(IsildursHeir69 has left: One Ring chat)

GandyStaff101: what's with him?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: Gingerbread crisis

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: and so it begins...

BeardedDwarf02: I'll start something for you if you want, Legolas

BeardedDwarf02: ;)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: good God! Gandalf, get me out of here!

GandyStaff101: nope, sorry

GandyStaff101: :D

(GandyStaff101 has left: One Ring chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: ....help?

TookishMischief11: wish i could help you, Legolas. but....i have to go....feed the cat. yah! that's it! i have to go feed my cat.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: get back here, Fool of a Took!

TookishMischief11: Farewell you two.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: No! Pippin, don't go! You can't leave me here with this dwarf! He's gay and insane!

TookishMischief11: ta-ta

(TookishMischief11 has left: One Ring chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: umm....hi

BeardedDwarf02: hello hansome

BeardedDwarf02: ;)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: ....care for a game of riddles?

Chapter Two
Welcome to Middle-Earth Online! You have 5 messages.

(Brandy2Buck has entered: Rivendell chat)

Brandy2Buck: hey guys

IsildursHeir69: hi Merry

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: 'ey

CurlyBearer34: You weren't here lastnight Merry!

Brandy2Buck: I know.

Brandy2Buck: my neighbor fell in the Brandywine, and I had to fish him out, I had to let him stay at my house so he could warm up and have company, yadah yadah blah blah blah.

CurlyBearer34: Golly, he's really self-centered.

Brandy2Buck: yah, really

(TookishMischief11 has entered: Rivendell chat)

TookishMischief11: hi!

TookishMischief11: Strider, I hope your gingerbread didn't burn lastnight. what happened?

IsildursHeir69: yes, it burned. I've been really down about it.

TookishMischief11: *pats Strider on the back* There, there. You can make more, can't you?

IsildursHeir69: But it's not as fun when Arwen isn't around to help me bake it.

CurlyBearer34: Well where's Arwen?

IsildursHeir69: She's at the hair salon

(BeardedDwarf02 has entered: Rivendell chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: oh god

BeardedDwarf02: hello everyone

BeardedDwarf02: hello Legolas

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: stay the hell away from me perv

TookishMischief11: oh yeah, what happened lastnight, L?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: i don't wanna talk about it

IsildursHeir69: so what should we talk about?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: about how gay this stupid dwarf is

BeardedDwarf02: shut up, Elfie

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: god, stop calling me Elfie!!!

Brandy2Buck: umm from the sound of things, i'm glad i wasn't here lastnight.

TookishMischief11: where's Sam?

CurlyBearer34: He's watering my garden. The tulips are doing terrible in this hot weather.

IsildursHeir69: yeah, my rose bushes are in need of watering. Rain is not very abundant in Gondor either.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: ....

TookishMischief11: ?

IsildursHeir69: whut?

CurlyBearer34: you have...rose bushes?

IsildursHeir69: yes, they're lovely. I like to smell them in the morning. And they're really really pretty to look at.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: ....

IsildursHeir69: oh, uh *cough* ummm,

IsildursHeir69: in a manly kind of way, ofcourse.

CurlyBearer34: oh, ok

TookishMischief11: alright

Brandy2Buck: oh, cool. that's ok then

CurlyBearer34: Strider, what's going on in Gondor lately?

IsildursHeir69: well I sent men out this morning to clean out those ships that I came with from the Paths of the Dead. Those Dead left such a mess.

IsildursHeir69: Seriously, I doubt those ships could have possibly been any dirtier

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: yeah, i know. Those janitors have their work cut out for them.

CurlyBearer34: guess what guys?

CurlyBearer34: Sam's getting married next week!!

(GandyStaff101 has entered: One Ring chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: wow, congrats for him! I'm speechless!

BeardedDwarf02: I made him speechless

BeardedDwarf02: :D

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: drop dead

GandyStaff101: I've done that before, in moria

GandyStaff101: Good news everyone. I finally got my hat to the cleaners

Brandy2Buck: yay!

IsildursHeir69: what's under your hat, anyway?

TookishMischief11: a bunny rabbit

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: his pipeweed stash

GandyStaff101: nope. you're both wrong

CurlyBearer34: then what's under there?

GandyStaff101: hobbit-repellent

TookishMischief11: oh, ok

Brandy2Buck: cool

TookishMischief11: wait a second.......hey!

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: i'll be right back. There's a UPS truck pulling up to my tree.

GandyStaff101: k

Brandy2Buck: hmm, i wonder what he got

TookishMischief11: maybe he got that new quiver he ordered from L.L.Bean

CurlyBearer34: yah, with his initials and the purple embroidery

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: back

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: it's a package of some kind

IsildursHeir69: who's it from?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: It says "from your secret admirer"

TookishMischief11: oooOOOoo

BeardedDwarf02: :D

Brandy2Buck: open it!

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: i'm opening it. calm yourself hobbit.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: wow!

GandyStaff101: whut? what is it??

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: it's a year-supply of chocolate from the Glittering Caves.

BeardedDwarf02: :D

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: wait, there's a message with it

BeardedDwarf02: read it out loud. It has a better effect that way.

IsildursHeir69: how would you know?

BeardedDwarf02: ...no reason

CurlyBearer34: go ahead, Legolas. read the message!

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: it says "Caves are gray, and the sky is sometimes blue. Galadriel is pretty, but you are too!"

BeardedDwarf02: :D

GandyStaff101: aww, that's so precious

CurlyBearer34: where have i heard "precious" before?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: wait, there's a P.S. at the bottom. It's written very small, hold on. lemme read it

TookishMischief11: k

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: it says "P.S. now will u cyber?"

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: DAMMIT GIMLI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TookishMischief11: uh-oh, Gimli. You just went where many people have gone before, but none have come back alive.



CurlyBearer34: This could get dangerous. I'm not waiting around for the aftershocks.

(CurlyBearer34 has left: Rivendell chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: *throws package out of the tree*

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: *opens the chocolate and starts eating*

BeardedDwarf02: i hope you like the chocolate :D

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: dammit, take a hike!!

TookishMischief11: I think Frodo has the right idea

(TookishMischief11 has left: Rivendell chat)

GandyStaff101: of all the knowledge in the world, i never figured the wisest of all would come from that Fool of a Took.

(GandyStaff101 has left: Rivendell chat)

Brandy2Buck: well, Aragorn. just you and me now.

IsildursHeir69: i think not. i have a kingdom to run. And if i'm killed in the crossfire between these two, who will take my place?

Brandy2Buck: good point. but what am i going to do for the rest of the night if i'm offline? i'll be bored!

IsildursHeir69: do you play tidlywinks?

Brandy2Buck: yah!

IsildursHeir69: cool! Come over to my house!

Brandy2Buck: k

(Brandy2Buck has left: Rivendell chat)

(IsildursHeir69 has left: Rivendell chat)

BeardedDwarf02: finally. we're alone

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: not in my lifetime!

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: i'm going over to play tidlywinks with Aragorn and Merry!

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: u got a problem with that dwarf?

BeardedDwarf02: nope

BeardedDwarf02: :D

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: good.

(ElfMasterLuvsHisBow has left: Rivendell chat)

(ElfMasterLuvsHisBow has entered: Rivendell chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: And if you try to show up, think again! I'm bringing my bow and a full stock of arrows!

BeardedDwarf02: D'oh!

(ElfMasterLuvsHisBow has left: Rivendell chat)

Chapter Three
Welcome to Middle-Earth Online! You have 2 messages.

(ElfMasterLuvsHisBow has entered: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

IsildursHeir69: so I was like "yeah right. how am i going to know if you really are Sauron" and he's like "Aragorn, I am your father".

SamDaMan108: HAHAHAHA! lmao!!

GandyStaff101: umm...Aragorn? I have something to tell you

GandyStaff101: There's something you should know

IsildursHeir69: oh gosh! SAURON'S MY FATHER?!!!????!!!!??????!!???

GandyStaff101: No, your fly's down.

IsildursHeir69: oh, ok.

IsildursHeir69: wait.....how are you aware of the status of my clothing?

GandyStaff101: a wizard is all-knowing.

IsildursHeir69: well whatever. thanks.

IsildursHeir69: i thought Elrond was pretty knowledgable too.

GandyStaff101: well, he has a lot of wisdom, but he's not all-knowledgable.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: lots of wisdom? good. i need some wise words of advice right now

GandyStaff101: involving what?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: involving what to do about this crazed gay dwarf. Give Elrond a call, Gandalf, and ask him to get online.

GandyStaff101: ok, lemme get my cell. it's got unlimited minutes until 11.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: all-knowledgable Gandalf, it is 11:30

GandyStaff101: dammit!

GandyStaff101: er...i mean...yes i knew that. i was just stating that it had unlimited minutes.

IsildursHeir69: whatever u say....

GandyStaff101: silence yourself, ranger!

IsildursHeir69: you know, i could have you banished for that statement.

GandyStaff101: ok, Elrond says he is getting online in a sec.

(LawnMowerElf has entered: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

LawnMowerElf: He who plants the first carrot, shall hence forth eat lettuce.

(LawnMowerElf has left: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: that's it? That's my advice?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: what kind of shit wisdom was that??

(BeardedDwarf02 has entered: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: oh god

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: somebody get me some Mace.

BeardedDwarf02: Hello room.

BeardedDwarf02: especially Legolas

(Brandy2Buck has entered: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

(TookishMischief11 has entered: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

(CurlyBearer34 has entered: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: another Midget convention?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: the "Hobbit de Bleau" is down the hall

Brandy2Buck: shut up

BeardedDwarf02: Don't tell my Elf Master to shut up

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: god, now i'm your Elf Master?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: i'm out of here

(ElfMasterLuvsHisBow has left: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

BeardedDwarf02: Now look

BeardedDwarf02: you scared him away, Merry!

(BeardedDwarf02 has left: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

(ElfMasterLuvsHisBow has entered: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: -whispers- pssst! is he gone?

CurlyBearer34: yup

TookishMischief11: i think he bought it

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: good

IsildursHeir69: *munch munch*

CurlyBearer34: what are you eating, Strider?

IsildursHeir69: gingerbread!!

TookishMischief11: u made more?

IsildursHeir69: well, no

IsildursHeir69: it's from the Quickie-Mart

GandyStaff101: damn! my staff just broke!

SamDaMan108: awww, what are you going to use to fight off Balrogs now?

GandyStaff101: i dunno...

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: i can give you archery lessons. Bow & arrows are much better than a staff.

GandyStaff101: yeah, but my staff shoots fire!!

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: but arrows are better

GandyStaff101: no they're not. Frodo, what do you think? Which do a better job at frightening the enemy: fire from my staff, or stupid little arrows.

CurlyBearer34: well an arrow coming toward me would really freak me out.

GandyStaff101: FRODO!!!!!!!

CurlyBearer34: oh...er....i mean....fire from your staff.

GandyStaff101: there! you see Legolas?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: whateva

SamDaMan108: I'm bored

Brandy2Buck: oh, go water my garden

(BoromirBoatMan27 has entered: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

IsildursHeir69: what the?????

BoromirBoatMan27: Hello again. Miss me?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: does anyone else see something wrong with this picture?

IsildursHeir69: umm...you're dead

BoromirBoatMan27: No, you put me in the stupid boat, but I wasn't dead!

BoromirBoatMan27: I was just resting my eyes!!!

(BeardedDwarf02 has entered: Survived the 3rd Age chat)


BoromirBoatMan27: i know, shocking isn't it. you feel the guilt coming on...

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: actually, i said that because Gimli is back.

BeardedDwarf02: you can't escape me that easily, Elfie

BeardedDwarf02: :D

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: DAMN!!

BoromirBoatMan27: oh...well what do you think of me still being alive? are you happy that I have returned from almost certain, but yet heroic death?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: you're back.....that's cool....bring me a postcard??

BoromirBoatMan27: aaargh

BoromirBoatMan27: did you people miss me at all????

IsildursHeir69: yes

SamDaMan108: yes

Brandy2Buck: yea...

BeardedDwarf02: yes

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: yup

GandyStaff101: yes

TookishMischief11: ....no

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: ..no

IsildursHeir69: no...

CurlyBearer34: umm, no

BeardedDwarf02: no

GandyStaff101: no

IsildursHeir69: a bit

GandyStaff101: a bit....

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: a bit

SamDaMan108: a bit

TookishMischief11: a bit...

BoromirBoatMan27: ughh! I'm just going to go and say hi to my dad

GandyStaff101: your dad's dead

BoromirBoatMan27: oh...

BoromirBoatMan27: well then i'm going to go take the throne

TookishMischief11: Aragorn already did that

BoromirBoatMan27: oh...

BoromirBoatMan27: well then i'll go kick my brother in the ass

IsildursHeir69: that's already been done too

BoromirBoatMan27: who did that one?

CurlyBearer34: Eowyn

BoromirBoatMan27: ok....well then i'll just go have some pancakes at Barliman's

(BoromirBoatMan27 has left: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

Brandy2Buck: ...is someone going to tell him Barliman doesn't sell pancakes anymore?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: he'll figure it out

BeardedDwarf02: Legolas, you want some pancakes? If you come over, I'll make them for you.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: your cooking probably tastes like Sam's.

TookishMischief11: *shudders*

IsildursHeir69: Legolas, don't put him down like that. He has to cook better than Sam!

SamDaMan108: ....hey!!!

SamDaMan108: >:o

BeardedDwarf02: so will you come over?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: no Gimli, you gay person!!!

BeardedDwarf02: well, will you cyber with me?


BeardedDwarf02: playing hard to get...rrrrrr

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: That's it!!!

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: Where's my Mace!!!

Brandy2Buck: This is dangerous ground.

Brandy2Buck: I'm outta here

(Brandy2Buck has left: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: You are messing with the wrong Elf today, Gimli!!!

TookishMischief11: Frodo and I are going to head down to the pub

CurlyBearer34: yeah. we're not going to be here when Legolas makes dwarf casserole. it's for our own safety.

IsildursHeir69: a hobbit at a pub...so what else is new

SamDaMan108: oh, be nice!

SamDaMan108: hey i'll meet you guys down there. It's a good idea to get out of here while we still can.

BeardedDwarf02: you can't fight this, dearie.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: watch me!!!!!!!!

TookishMischief11: ok Sam

(TookishMischief11 has left: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

(CurlyBearer34 has left: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

(SamDaMan108 has left: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: look, can't we just be friends

BeardedDwarf02: yes, of course

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: *sigh of relief*

BeardedDwarf02: when hell freezes over

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: DAMN!!!

IsildursHeir69: Gandalf?

GandyStaff101: yeah

IsildursHeir69: a beer?

GandyStaff101: definitely.

(IsildursHeir69 has left: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

(GandyStaff101 has left: Survived the 3rd Age chat)

Chapter Four
Welcome to Middle-Earth Online! You have 7 messages.

(ElfMasterLuvsHisBow has entered: Anti-Orc chat)

IsildursHeir69: hey Leggo

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: hey Araggy

IsildursHeir69: sup?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: nuthin'

IsildursHeir69: so Gimli isn't chasing you or anything?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: i don't know. He will usually call me in the morning, and then three more times in the afternoon, followed by twice more after dinner

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: But he only called twice in the afternoon, and once after dinner today

IsildursHeir69: i wonder what happened.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: So do i. But i'm not complaining. Ha! I'm rejoicing.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: is anyone else in this room?

IsildursHeir69: nope. we're the only ones.

IsildursHeir69: i told everyone we'd meet in the Anti-Orc room at midnight. I don't know where everyone is!

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: well, maybe they came an hour ago and no one was here.

IsildursHeir69: why would they have come an hour ago?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: i don't know. I suppose the Shire is in a different time zone.

IsildursHeir69: maybe.

IsildursHeir69: well perhaps it's for the best. We don't get a chance to just talk. That gay dwarf is always bothering you.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: yeah really

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: how's Arwen?

IsildursHeir69: She's at the hair salon again! She goes every other day! I'm starting to wonder if she goes for other reasons. Maybe there's someone else! You never can trust those french hair stylists! I want to ask her about it, but it's too risky.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: You worry too much Aragorn. It's turning your hair gray.

(CurlyBearer34 has entered: Anti-Orc chat)

(TookishMischief11 has entered: Anti-Orc chat)

(GandyStaff101 has entered: Anti-Orc chat)

IsildursHeir69: where were you guys???

TookishMischief11: we thought you said "Autumn Dork chat"

(Brandy2Buck has entered: Anti-Orc chat)

(SamDaMan108 has entered: Anti-Orc chat)

IsildursHeir69: and where were you guys?

Brandy2Buck: we thought you said "Altered Fork chat"

IsildursHeir69: *rolls eyes*

GandyStaff101: where's Gimli?

SamDaMan108: i haven't talked to him since last night's chat.

CurlyBearer34: me neither

IsildursHeir69: hmmm

GandyStaff101: too bad he's not here.

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: Shh!!! You'll jinx it!!!

GandyStaff101: sorry

IsildursHeir69: Yay! Arwen is home at last!

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: it's after midnight, and she's just now getting back from the hair salon?

IsildursHeir69: Well she stopped at the Quickie-Mart.

Brandy2Buck: what did she need at the Quickie-Mart?

IsildursHeir69: Some more pink nail polish, scented shampoo, the latest In-Style magazine, and some broccoli

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: she's chopping broccoli

IsildursHeir69: yup. chopping broccoli!

SamDaMan108: hey, Rosie and I are having a kid!!!!

TookishMischief11: hey, wow!!

CurlyBearer34: yeah, congrats!!

IsildursHeir69: good tidings!!

SamDaMan108: thanks. i'm kind of nervous about fatherhood, though.

GandyStaff101: Beware of taking the child to the store with you

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: yeah. whenever you walk in the store, the kid's like "Buy me this useless piece of plastic!"

GandyStaff101: exactly

SamDaMan108: no stores, gotcha

SamDaMan108: thanks.

(RohanPlaya13 has entered: Anti-Orc chat)

RohanPlaya13: hello all. It's Eowyn!!!!

IsildursHeir69: *goes pale*

Brandy2Buck: Hey Eowyn!

RohanPlaya13: hey Merry! How's that Nazgul bite healing up?

Brandy2Buck: Pretty good.

RohanPlaya13: So...Aragorn. Ya know, I'm not single anymore

RohanPlaya13: Faramir wants to marry me...but I don't know if I wanna.

IsildursHeir69: mmmk

RohanPlaya13: what? so you're not jealous or anything?

IsildursHeir69: no

RohanPlaya13: You don't want to go punch Faramir in the nuts?

IsildursHeir69: no

RohanPlaya13: ????

IsildursHeir69: Eowyn, I'm married for gosh sakes

RohanPlaya13: Men! They're all the same!

(RohanPlaya13 has left: Anti-Orc chat)

IsildursHeir69: well that was interesting

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: uh-oh

CurlyBearer34: what?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: there's a truck pulling up to my tree again

(LawnMowerElf has entered: Anti-Orc chat)

LawnMowerElf: beware of UPS trucks bearing chocolate and strange love notes; for there could be a gay dwarf somewhere in the world that has the hots for you

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: No kidding Sherlock!! You know, when I want your shit wisdom I'll ask for it!

LawnMowerElf: He who insults the great and powerful Elf-Lord lives the rest of his life lacking several body parts

(LawnMowerElf has left: Anti-Orc chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: ....was that a threat?

GandyStaff101: Don't take your chances

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: hey, good news! It's not a UPS truck! It's Fed-Ex

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: Gimli is cheap and can't afford Fed-Ex, so it couldn't possibly be from him

Brandy2Buck: ah, you are spared

TookishMischief11: so what is it?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: ah-hah!

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: it's that new quiver i ordered from L.L.Bean with my initials "P. L. G. S. O. T."

CurlyBearer34: i was wondering when that would come

IsildursHeir69: sheesh, and i thought I had a lot of names

SamDaMan108: what do all those stand for?

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: Prince Legolas Greenleaf, Son of Thranduil

TookishMischief11: ya know you could have just put "L.G."

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: i felt like being elaborate

Brandy2Buck: Frodo, when do you leave for Valinor?

CurlyBearer34: I dunno. Bilbo is supposed to e-mail me about that

SamDaMan108: i hope Bilbo's computer breaks!

CurlyBearer34: what?

SamDaMan108: well...begging your pardon Mr Frodo...but I don't want you to go nowhere for a while. You just got back and everything. Hold on there, Gamgee! Listen to yourself. You can't tell Mr Frodo what to do. Think, Sam. Think.

TookishMischief11: Sam, you're talking about yourself in the third person. Should I be worried?

GandyStaff101: Fool of a Took. You do it all the time

TookishMischief11: No i don't

GandyStaff101: Then who were you talking to every night while we were on the road with the Fellowship?

TookishMischief11: ....that was Bob

GandyStaff101: Puh! Bob, shmob!

TookishMischief11: well who did you talk to late at night? I heard you whispering all the time

GandyStaff101: ...my staff

IsildursHeir69: His staff has a mind of its own, Pippin

CurlyBearer34: yeah, you should see it perform the Bum Bum song. That staff can really get its groove on. "the man is all alone; the Swedish is all alone..."

GandyStaff101: oh...heh heh...you weren't supposed to see that

CurlyBearer34: woops

(BeardedDwarf02 has entered: Anti-Orc chat)

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: WHY?!??!

IsildursHeir69: and where were you all evening????

BeardedDwarf02: i thought you said "Kosher Pork chat"

IsildursHeir69: *rolls eyes again*

IsildursHeir69: ok everybody. i gotta go. Remember the Halloween party at my house tomorrow, k?

IsildursHeir69: be there around 7 o'clock!!

CurlyBearer34: k!

Brandy2Buck: uh-huh

GandyStaff101: yah!

TookishMischief11: alright

BeardedDwarf02: yup, i'll be there

ElfMasterLuvsHisBow: i wouldn't miss it for all the Dwarf-Away spray in the world!!

SamDaMan108: k!

IsildursHeir69: ok, i'll see you guys there

(IsildursHeir69 has left: Anti-Orc chat)
To find out what happens next, read "Halloween at Aragorn's"!